At what age should a child be allowed to go on an educational exchange with the school? Raisingkids.co.uk's parenting expert, Dr Pat Spungin, warns about the danger of over-protecting your children, and ultimately, holding them back.

Raisingkids member's problem
My 10 yr-old wants to take part in an educational exchange programme. I feel extremely uneasy about this. Am I wrong to stop her going?

Dr Spungin's advice
What is it you are 'uneasy' about? Are you worried about her safety? School exchanges are usually very well organised. To reassure yourself, talk to whoever is organising the trip and confirm that it meets your safety requirements.

Are you worried that she will be lonely and homesick? She's not worried about it. She's prepared to take the plunge. She will learn another language, more about the culture of another country and probably something about herself. Most exchanges are in groups, so she will be with other children from her school, I assume. This will do something to offset any homesickness.

Is it because she is only 10? Perhaps you feel that 10 is too young to cope without you. Will you still feel 'extremely uneasy' when she is 13 or 14 (or even older)?

Sooner or later you have to let go and let her cope without you. All parents would like their children to grow up never feeling lonely, homesick, unpopular or feeling any negative emotion. But all these things are what life throws at us, and even a 10 yr-old experiences these feelings and learns to deal with them. You made your decision based on your knowledge of your daughter and your own emotions. Think about what underlies your feelings - is there a degree of over-protectiveness in your decision? Otherwise... you've made your decision, if your daughter has accepted it, I would forget it.

See our Parenting Skills section for more pointers on how to reach an understanding with your child.

• More Answers From Dr Spungin
• What Pre-Teens Want: Freedom Within Limits!
• Parenting Pre-Teens: Scared To Let Go?