What to expect when your partner is expecting...

Having a baby is, more often than not, a joint venture, long after the point of conception. Exciting as it may be, bringing someone into the world and caring for them once they're here is the biggest job you're ever likely to undertake, and it is something you and your partner are much more likely to succeed at if you both share the roles and responsibilities of parenting.

Reacting To The News
If you've been trying for a baby, or feel 'ready' to start a family, you're bound to be delighted at the news that your partner's pregnant. But in reality, many pregnancies do come as a complete surprise, and the shock news can leave you reeling. You are not the first man this has happened to! What is important is how you deal with it. The last thing your partner needs is to feel pressure or blame. By all means discuss your trepidations with her, but in a loving and sensitive way.

Although the baby will bring enormous upheavals to your life, they are bridges best crossed when you come to them, and worrying throughout the pregnancy creates stress and resolves nothing. The most valuable thing you can provide your partner and child with are love, and that costs nothing.

Supporting Your Partner
An important part of your role as a father begins before your child is born, and that is providing your partner with support.

It's easy for a father to feel alienated from the pregnancy as your partner is likely to have her health care professionals, friends and relatives gathering round and sometimes pushing you out. Many dads find it difficult to get a look in. But it is your child too, so don't skulk in the background. Take the initiative and be as actively involved as possible. If you can, take time to attend the antenatal appointments with your partner, and discuss with her what she would like your role to be in the birth. Help her with her birth plan and find out ways in which you can make her pregnant months a pleasurable, relaxing time.

Team Effort
Going through the pregnancy together will prepare your relationship for parenting. Doing practical things as a team, like preparing baby's room and making a birth plan, will be enormously reassuring for both of you. It will make you feel like you're 'getting ready'.

Make sure you know what to pack her for hospital in case it's down to you in event of an emergency. This is also a good time to share everyday things like housework, cooking and shopping as you gear up for family life. And it's vital that you lay down good foundations for your future relationship, as children will tend to test it at some point! Do this by being gently open and honest with each other, discussing any issues or concerns as they arise, whatever they may be. Those channels of communication are going to be a lifeline to both of you for years to come. So start tending to them now.

• Your paternity rights
  
• Packing for the hospital
  
• Expectant Dads: talk to other men whose partners are pregnant