Members' Tips: Teens Moving Out
 Leaving
home is a frequent threat but not often a reality! It's more usual to
find parents complaining of the 'boomerang effect' - when your grown-up
children just keep on returning to the family home.
What can you do if your child wants to move out
before you feel they are ready? What can yo do if they storm out after
a row? And how on earth can you persuade 20-somethings to stand on their
own two feet without making them feel rejected?
Want to leave home? Call their bluff
'For what it's worth I think you should
call their bluff... if you don't help financially the going will be tough.
Don't argue, flatter them a bit (that will catch them off guard), tell them they're intelligent and mature and that if they've done all his sums
and are confident they can manage on their own then you will support the
decision. Tell them that you won't give any financial help and that you
will miss them terribly then sit back and wait. By leaving the decision-making up to your teenager you will have given them a way to back down without losing
face. Often, they find the responsibility a bit scary and
when they realise you are giving them the freedom to make their own decisions
they might think twice.'
Thanks to Raisingkids' Member suzie
Counting the cost
'...our son, now almost 18, KNEW that he wanted to leave school and he
KNEW that he could get a job and he KNEW that he could cope with life
in a place of his own. We tried to keep the conversation as civilised
as possible and told him to check out how much he would earn, mentioned
deductions that would come from his gross pay, told him to check out the
costs involved in renting a room, at the same time making it plain that
he would have to be responsible for his own finances - and that included
rent, food, heating etc.
We gave him a week and then mentioned an alternative
that seemed to give him the freedom that he HAD to have. This was a Foundation
course at college. As he is under 19, there were no fees involved and
it was a requirement that Foundation students live on campus. We knew
that paying his living costs at college would be more costly than having
him at home but this way he would still be working towards a qualification.
His first reaction was to reject the idea but after conversations with
several mates who were at college, he decided that it would be 'okay'.'
Thanks to Raisingkids' member
Still at home? Making them pay their way
'What
people get for free they don't value. Make sure they appreciate what
they're getting, by fixing an amount that is realistic... I'm very tough
now because I have learned the hard way.'
Thanks to Raisingkids' Member Phil
'Dividing the household bills means taking equal
responsibility for generating those bills in the first place? If your
teenager realises wasting fuel = paying bigger bills then they're going
to think twice before going out and leaving all the lights on, or leaving
the central heating on all day in an empty house. If the point of the
exercise is teaching them about their responsibilities then cause-and-effect
is a better lesson than a flat fee.'
Thanks to Raisingkids' Member Paul
Have you been in this situation? What did
you do?
Share your advice with other members!
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