How can you help a child, suspected to have Aspergers, cope with the upheaval of starting secondary school? Raisingkids.co.uk's expert Jill Curtis suggests way of helping and warns against making a hasty diagnosis.

Raisingkids member's problem
How can I help my son with the transition from primary to secondary school? Although my son hasn't been diagnosed, the educational psychologist has said he has some Aspergers traits. These are becoming more apparent now that he has to manage homework. The school is being very supportive in trying to find ways to complete the work on the premises, because he has great problems coping with the fact that he has to work at home. We're trying to help by limiting the amount but sometimes the frustration levels are too much for him and he enters his 'rigid' self and goes into his starwars world.

Jill Curtis's advice
There are still pockets of ignorance about Asperger Syndrome, so it's good news that the school is supportive. I wonder why your son objects to doing work at home, although he will do it at school. Is it that he has a routine he likes to follow once he gets home, and work doesn't form part of this plan? Perhaps his anxiety level rises when working on his own, in his own time?

One of the difficulties with the transition to secondary school may be within the area of social activities, and it is as well to be on the look out for these. If the traits which have been noticed include problems with making friends or a general lack of social skills, it may now become more obvious. Adolescents are notoriously insensitive if one of their number fails to pick up clues, or is tactless. If these areas become a problem, draw your son's attention to the fact, and even 'rehearse' some ways of behaving. Jokes, too, are likely to be difficult for him to understand.

Anyone battling with AS will find making small talk a nightmare. Bluntness and plain speaking may be seen as rudeness or insolence. Try to explain to your son that words can hurt people. For all adolescents relationships with the opposite sex can be difficult. For your son it may be particularly difficult, so talk to him about how to meet and talk to girls. Without help, AS teenagers may withdraw from social activities. It's time to be particularly vigilant for signs of depression.

It's good that both you and he are aware that when his frustration level gets too high, he cuts off. It's imperative you work with the school to keep the work load manageable.

I wish you and your son good luck at this next stage.

• More Answers From Hidden Disabilities Specialist, Jill Curtis
• Moving Up To Secondary School - More Info
• Online Discussion: Parents Of Children With Asperger's