Stepfamilies have a bad image. Think of Snow White's jealous stepmother or Cinderella's Ugly Sisters. Fairy tales end with the triumphant child banishing the wicked interlopers. In real life, this doesn't make for happy endings.

Stepchildren have to come to terms with their new family. Some of the beliefs that people hold about blended families are set out below. Are they true or false?

Myth: 'Marriage is easier 2nd time round'
Fact: All marriages are different.

Both parents may have learned from their previous marriages but first marriages and second marriages are different. It's unlikely there'll be much carry-over from one to the other. The presence of children further complicates the issue for both partners.

Myth: 'Stepfamilies can work in the same way as 1st-time families'
Fact: You can't expect things to be the same

A successful blended family will eventually create its own way of living together, but the way it works will be different and it will take time. Realistic expectations at the outset will help all family members to work together to achieve a level of family harmony.

Myth: 'All stepfamily members eventually come to love each other'
Fact: True, but only for some families, not for others.

The notion that all members will grow to love each other is a fantasy. The stepfamily should work towards peaceful coexistence, which is an realistic and achievable aim.

Myth: 'Children will accept the new situation quickly'
Fact: If only!

The children didn't choose this set-up and they have no vested interest in making it work. Sharing a home and parents is difficult enough for natural brothers and sisters. It's much more difficult for stepsiblings who have many obstacles to overcome. Until they do, there is likely to be conflict and complaints.

Myth: 'Part-time stepfamilies get along better than full-time ones'
Fact: The opposite is more likely to be true.

Constant comings and goings make it harder to establish family rules and routines. If families are together every day, they have a better chance of working things out.

Myth: 'I'm kind to my stepchildren they will come to love me'
Fact: The step-parent's behaviour is only one side of the equation.

The child's behaviour and attitudes are also relevant. If the child has not adjusted to losing his parent then however nice his step-parent is to him, he will still be unhappy.

Myth: 'If partners love each other enough, problems will disappear'
Fact: Untrue.

Their own relationship is the basis of a successful new family but it should not blind the couple to the difficulties the whole family faces.

Myth: 'Relating to stepchildren is the same as to natural children'
Fact: Stepchildren and natural children are different.

It's unlikely that a step-parent will feel the same way towards their stepchildren, as they feel towards their natural children. The feeling is mutual. Any step-parent who has heard 'You're not my Dad / Mum, you can't tell me what to do!' knows that this is not so.

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