Talking to your children about death
The untimely death of the BBC children's presenter Mark Speight, and the coverage of his death on Newsround brought up the issue of how to talk to young children about death. Raisingkids.co.uk's Dr Pat Spungin has these words of advice.
Silence is golden?
Trying to protect your child from news like this only works if there's a completely united front – if you don't say anything to your children and they go to school, they'll hear a child's version of the news and not a parent's version. Death is a fact of life and you can't protect your children against it.
It's useful to note that children understand death in their own terms which aren't necessarily as upsetting for them as it would be to an adult. Pre school age children, for example, don’t understand that death is for ever.
Too much, too young
Most children have some experience of something dying – a pet, a distant relative, someone they've heard of – they'll be aware of death. For very young children whose understanding of death is so limited, it's not necessary to go into too much detail and they are unlikely to ask many questions. For slightly older children, you could say that Mark went off because he was very upset that his girl friend had died and the police found him dead. If they ask any questions try to answer their questions as best you can.
Clear and concise
Make sure that your child doesn't get the wrong end of the stick from what you say. For example, if you say that someone was ill and died, you're opening up the possibility that when a member of the family gets ill, your child thinks they also may die.
If you explain that Mark Speight was very unhappy - make sure you make a difference between feeling sad and the kind of deep unhappiness that happened in a situation like this.
Listen to any anxieties in the question that your child asks – 'What happened?' is just a question asking for information. 'He was young, why did he die?' reveals a deeper concern. Keep your answers simple and short.
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