Getting Them To Stay Put
No matter what I do I can’t get my kids (daughter, 4, and son, 8) to stay at the table until we’ve all finished eating. They pick at their food and as soon as they think they’re done, they hop down and they’re away. I’ve tried holding back on dessert and insisting that they ask before they leave the table, but nothing’s working. My husband says I should be more strict with them, but it’s hard. Any advice?
Dr Pat Spungin replies:
The key point here is that you and your husband are right to want your children to say at the table until everyone has finished eating – that’s basic good manners. But they are very young – you’ll need to give them a reason to stay, beyond cajoling or threatening them with no dessert!
Your children, particularly your eldest, will stay at the table as long as you are giving them attention and they are interested in what is going on. If they are sitting still doing nothing, then it’s understandable that leaving the table and playing with their toys or running around the garden would be of more interest. Are you and your husband talking to them? Your son is old enough to discuss what he did at school, and you can share details of your day with him as well. Ask him what was the best thing he did today? Did anything funny happen? Who did he play with? And what games did they play? Talking at the table is really important for their development. They are extending their vocabulary, learning how to listen to and interact with adults (which is very important in school) and you get to understand what is going on when they are out of your sight. The four-year-old will see that her brother is staying at the table and will most likely copy his behaviour.
