Q. I'm quite strict about the things my kids eat, but whenever we're round at my parents, they're always offering the children snacks and sweets. What can I do about it?

Dr Pat's answer:

Grandparents are in the fortunate position of having pleasure without responsibility. They want to enjoy their grandchildren knowing that at the end of the day they can send them home to their parents. They look forward to ‘spoiling’ their grandchildren.

Different parents take a different approach to this. Some think that it is the right of grandparents to be able to be less strict and more indulgent of their grandchildren and they tend to ignore the little treats that their children receive on these occasions. Others feel that grandparents should follow the practices that children are used to at home and have the same amount of sweets and snacks they get at home.

As in so many things in family relationships it is a matter of communication between the parties and a degree of tolerance on both sides.

What can you do if you would like the grandparents to be able to treat your children but at the same time you want to make sure it is in moderation?

• Explain to the grandparents what your policy is at home. That your children have snacks and sweets as part of an all-round healthy diet.
• Say you're happy for the grandparents to ‘treat’ the children but not if it is before mealtime or if it is more sweet stuff than you think appropriate.
• If you know the kids have been treated more than normal, even things up with a particularly active day after the kids have been to their grandparents; go swimming or cycle to the park.

Personally I think that grandparents occupy a special relationship with their grandchildren. If it involves indulging the children more than their parents do - and most likely more than they indulged their own children, it's all part and parcel of that special relationship.

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