Helen Forbes, the director of Tamba - the Twins and Multiple Birth Association - suggests ways of bringing a shy twin out of his boisterous brother's shadow.

Raisingkids member's question
I have identical twin boys (9 yrs-old) and one of them is very shy. His brother has always been boisterous and outgoing. I try to encourage the shy one to come out of his shell- and sometimes make a point of stopping his brother butting in and 'doing all the talking for him'. However, perhaps because they are identical, I find other people tend to talk about 'the quiet one' and 'the noisy one'. I feel all my efforts are being undermined - what can I do?

Helen Forbes' reply
This is a difficult situation and as a mother of identical twins I can sympathise with you.

I think the key is to treat them as individuals and to encourage everyone else, especially other family members, teachers and their peers to do the same. If they are not already in separate classes at school, I would urge you to consider this and talk to the boys about it. Your son who is very shy may gain confidence when he is not, quite literally, living in his brother's shadow.

Another very important issue, which is not always easy or even possible, especially for single parents, is that of individual attention and time spent one to one with a parent. This time does not have to be spent doing anything extravagant, quiet time reading together, going swimming or going to buy a pair of new trainers all take on a new dimension when the children are not competing for your attention. Do stop people when they label your children, and point out that it is reinforcing, not helping, your family's situation.

Above all, do not feel your efforts are being undermined, you are right to be concerned. Bringing up children is hard, and parenting twins brings additional challenges. Tamba's freephone helpline Twinline is available evenings and weekends and callers can be helped to deal with issues exactly like this - 0800 138 0509.