Trying to ignore your toddler when they're screaming blue murder can be incredibly difficult. And what do you do if the tantrums keep coming? Raisingkids.co.uk guest expert and super nanny Elaine Addison, offers calming tips.

Raisingkids Member's Question
I have been told, and have been practising, that when your 18-month-old has a tantrum, completely ignore her and carrying talking or doing something as if she was not there. I am told that she will then stop as I am not taking any notice of her. This is not the case! Have you any suggestions that can ease the situation for me and other mums in the same position?

Miss Poppy's Reply
Your daughter sounds like a spirited and charismatic child who I’m sure you feel is into absolutely everything. As it should be so at this age – she will be exploring, learning and discovering whilst demonstrating her fears and anxieties through means of personal expression i.e. what you or I might see as tantrums. The thing to remember is that at this age it’s more pent up frustration than typical naughtiness, I like to call it PTS (pre toddler syndrome) and not un-similar to PMS with all those rampaging hormones. It’s a normal and transitional stage and the best way to deal with it is to not take it too seriously and try to use methods of distraction over discipline. Otherwise you will find yourself just becoming negative and saying ‘No’ all the time, which is no fun for either of you and the equivalent of raising a red flag to a bull for an 18-month-old child.

Getting Out And About
Are these tantrums happening at certain times of day? If so maybe it’s her way of demonstrating her over tiredness. If they are happening throughout the day it could be that she needs more physical play such as trips to the park or play ground to run around and release some of her energy.

Many toddlers I have cared for enjoy nothing more than chasing squirrels or rolling down a hill chasing a ball. Play to her sense of fun if she refuses to go to the park after you suggesting it. Rephrase your question by asking what would she like to take with her on your adventure to the park today? Her bucket and spade or bat and ball? Suggest she take a little picnic and give her simple choices to make such as would she prefer apple or orange juice? If she’s fond of a particular stuffed animal suggest she take it on a walk to the park and tie on a bit of string or ribbon for a leach. All of these simple distractions can turn a volatile moment into a fun moment and shift her mood instantly.

On The Level
If she goes into full tantrum mode get down to her level and hold her hand whilst looking her in the eyes and explain to her that you can both play something fun together if she stops this behavior. Often she can’t help it once she has begun so give her a big cuddle to calm her down and then the sooner it’s forgotten about and you have both moved on the better. Once she has clamed down try reading a favorite book together to help her relax and forget about her little outburst.

Remember at this age simple distraction methods work well – so try to be creative in your thinking. It will make you both feel less stressed.

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