A primary schoolchild is still having issues with toilet training. Raisingkids.co.uk guest expert and super nanny Elaine Addison, offers some advice.

Raisingkids member's question
My four-year-old niece keeps wetting herself and my poor sister is at her wits end! She has been tested for bladder problems and been given a clean bill of health. She is wetting herself on average three times a day. When you ask her if she needs the toilet she always says no but will then wet herself five minutes later. If you try to make her go to the toilet, she has a tantrum saying that she doesn't want to go and stamps her feet, screams, cries - you name it! My sister regularly ends up in tears, which isn't helping.

Miss Poppy's Reply
No need to worry – your niece's problem is quite common amongst intelligent four-year-olds. The key thing you need to do at first is diffuse the situation. She is well aware of the amount of attention her actions are attracting. Children of this age thrive on attention be it negative or positive. Children who wet their pants often are reacting to conflict or tension around them as this causes anxiety. Therefore the whole thing becomes a vicious cycle.

Begin by simply ignoring the entire situation for 3-4 days. Don’t talk about it. Don’t ask her if she wants to go to the toilet. And don’t make a fuss if she wets herself. Simply remain oblivious whilst providing clean underwear for her to change into by herself. If she asks for help do so quietly and without making comment or judgment. She may even ask to go to the toilet and if she does, take her but don’t offer any praise just yet. Bide your time.

After three or four days you can begin again with a clean slate and a more positive attitude. I suggest you sprinkle a bit of fun into the equation. Begin by making sure you have all your props in place such as plenty of attractive clean underpants. Make a special outing to the shop if not so that she can choose what kind she would like.

Place a comfortable and attractive children’s toilet seat on your loo along with a box for her to rest her feet or steps to climb up to the loo. Buy an attractive pocket sized notebook and several sets of attractive stickers. Give her the notebook and explain that every time she goes to the loo she can choose a sticker to go into her notebook. Explain at the end of the week you will count up how many stickers she has and then you will play a special game together. Talk to her teachers and ask if they would participate during school hours.

Praise her when she participates but don’t make a fuss if she refuses. Simply ignore her. At the end of the first week count up how many stickers she has and write the amount down next to a smiley face to make her proud. Prepare in advance several folded pieces of paper with enticing fun things to do together written on each of them. For example:

• Bake a cake or cookies together
• Visit the zoo
• Have an inside picnic for tea
• Visit a favorite friend or relative
• Play shop
  

Fold the paper favours into four and place them in a bowl, bag, hat or box and let her choose one as a reward.

The most important thing to remember is that this will pass like all stages do. The best advise I can give you is to use a little creative thinking to appeal to your child to help you all move through difficult stages. Creative thinking equals fun, which is guaranteed a response. Good luck!

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