Should fear of failure be allowed to limit expectations? Raisingkids.co.uk's guest expert Frank McGinty offers some tips on encouraging a positive attitude.

Raisingkids member's problem
MWe have always encouraged our children to have a positive attitude towards their 11-plus exams. I tell them I've spoken to lots of young adults who regret not even having a chance to do the exam, and tell my children they should sit it regardless of how well they think they will do. My eldest is due to sit her exam soon, but yesterday one of her teachers said 'The 11-plus mock is tomorrow. If you get less than 50% in your mocks then you should consider if you should do the real test at all.' A couple of her classmates don't want to sit the test but have agreed they should try - how will this affect them? My daughter was upset and suggested maybe she shouldn't do the mock either, as the staff would laugh at her. Talk about tell children not to bother with anything they might fail in!

Frank McGinty's advice
There is an old saying, ‘Nothing ventured, nothing gained’. We should always encourage our children to take risks in their learning, to take on new challenges, and to push back the limits of their ‘comfort zones’. However, it is also vital that we give them the skills to cope with the consequences of these actions.

As I understand it, the 11-plus is required for entry to some schools in England, but the lack of it would not deter entry to the full curriculum in state schools. Nevertheless, if a child feels willing and able, I would say go for it! Even if there are no practical consequences, the experience of doing a formal exam can be beneficial - but the child’s emotional strength and insight into her reactions are vital.

In many British schools there is a programme called The Learning Game - children learn about 8 Forms of Confidence, and one of these is the CONFIDENCE TO FAIL! If you succeed, great, but what if you fail? The children are taught to examine their attitudes and preparedness. If they haven’t worked or prepared properly, then the failure can be positive because it teaches a self-evident lesson.

On the other hand, if they are certain they have worked and could have done no more, but still fail, then the failure can be seen as a positive indicator: your strengths are not in this area, at least not yet, but you still have enormous potential. Look elsewhere and find it!

Only you will know whether your daughter could handle this. At any rate, there should be no question of staff laughing at her. This is worth investigating - it could be that your daughter is voicing an unfounded fear, but needs a lot of reassurance.

The 11-plus has always been a controversial exam. Here in Scotland, for example, it was discontinued years ago as it was felt children were too young and under-developed to be ‘labelled’ at that stage in their lives. It can be a double-edged sword: it can encourage or it can demoralise. If it can open doors that would otherwise remain closed, fine - but be aware of the negative aspects and prepare your daughter accordingly.