Physical symptoms somtimes have emotional causes in young children. Raisingkids.co.uk's guest expert Frank McGinty explains how to get to the root of the problem, and how to deal with the school.

Raisingkids member's problem
My daughter is convinced she's ill, says her tummy hurts all the time, and spends all evening crying. We've seen 3 different doctors who find nothing wrong and have a hospital appointment next week. As my daughter has missed about 16 days of school, the Head of her primary school says she must attend class until she has seen the paediatricion. I'm not sure what to do, as this is very out of character for my little girl. She won't go to any out-of-school activities either, and I am at the end of my tether. I'm almost sure she is afraid of her teacher, but the school refuses to move her to another class. We went away last week and my daughter was fine. She started eating for the first time in about 3 weeks, and was swimming and playing with her brother. I know she's not just being naughty - she is really convinced she is ill.

Frank McGinty's advice
If there is one lesson I’ve learned in teaching, it’s that we ignore a mother’s intuition at our peril! If you say you know your daughter is not just being naughty, then I would respect that. And if 3 different doctors have found nothing physically wrong with her, then the chances are the paediatrician will find nothing either.

It would appear that your daughter has an emotional problem that may or may not be caused by school, but it is certainly manifesting itself there. If her tummy hurts all the time and she is crying, then this is probably a physical (but very real) reaction to her unhappiness. It is vitally important, therefore, to unlock the problem in the child’s mind.

Try first of all to speak to her about it at times when you are very close - depending on her age, this may be at bath-time, or when you are playing, reading, drawing or simply doing something together. Make it clear that she can tell you anything.

Try also to discover whether the problem may have originated outside school. Often when children are anxious about something at home, they become fretful and unhappy at school; they want to be at home where they feel more secure. For example, has there been any family disruption recently, or have brothers or sisters had any major upsets? Even the loss or death of a pet can have a devastating effect. Often, too, a ‘problem’ can be something that a child has misconstrued, so parents may not even be aware of whatever is going on in the child’s mind.

If after consideration you are convinced there is nothing at home, then look firmly to the school experience. There could be problems with the teacher, as you suggest, or it could be with one or more classmates, or it could be with the work - or there could be a combination. You may have to be very assertive here.

It sounds as if the Head is amazingly unenlightened. A sick child must attend? A sick child must be diagnosed as soon as possible, and by a psychiatrist/psychologist/counsellor if the illness is emotional in origin. If the school can offer none of these, ask you GP for a referral to a clinical psychologist. Once the key to the upset has been found, you will be armed with evidence to insist on appropriate action being taken.