The arrival of a new boyfriend on the scene has caused a rift betwen a mother and her teenage daughter. Our expert, Chris Turner, looks at how to turn things around.

Raisingkids member's problem
I've always had a good relationship with my 16-year-old daughter until recently. She has a boyfriend aged 18. They have been seeing each other for 5 months and are sexually active (when she told me I sat them both down and talked about being safe and responsible as she was already on the pill because of period problems).
They have had bickering arguments which usually start when she has been out with her friends. Over the last few weeks she has stopped seeing her friends and I heard that she had discussed moving into his parents so they could be together. She is taking exams and I have to say she is revising, doing her coursework etc. I have spoken to them both stating that I think that she is too young etc. Since then she won't talk apart from the occasional grunt or negative comment. I am worried she is becoming influenced by him and is letting him control/ influence her. She seems to be isolating herself from everyone apart from him. Is there anything else I can do?

Expert Chris Turner's Advice
It is great to hear that you have a good relationship with your daughter, because this is often rare in some families and should always be encouraged. The fact that you have been able to talk to them both about being careful etc shows that you should be able to talk to her over your concerns now.

Arrange a day in town with just her and gently tell her that you are concerned that she appears to be losing her old spirit. Point out that is what her boyfriend must have fallen for when they first met, so why lose it now? And if she lost that would the boyfriend still want her?

I have witnessed all my daughters lose contact with friends whenever a partner comes on the scene, including friends they have had since Junior School. It seems to be a belief that if you are in a relationship you can't still have other friends. If the bickering is only happening after she has been out with her friends, then it could be pointing to a trust issue on the part of her boyfriend, and without trust a relationship will never work.

The fact she is still studying and doing her coursework is a very positive sign. This shows that deep down she still knows what she wants and would appear determined to get it. If she does move in with her partner's parents, realistically how long do you think it would last? There would be the issue of money, where would she get it from? Shopping, namely toiletries etc, how would she buy them? What about paying bills such as Gas, Electric, Rent, Food etc?

What I would say is talk to her about this as well, you may find it hasn't been thought through at all. If it has and she is determined to go ahead, then you may have to let her. But tell her that she is always welcome at home if things don't work out.