A sensitive two year old is having trouble bonding with his father. What can Mum do to help them get along? Parenting expert, Dr. Pat Spungin, advises.

Raisingkids member's problem
My two-and-a-half year old never seems to want anything to do with his Dad, whether I'm around or not. He seems to like other men and seems to like cuddling and playing around with them but not his Dad. I have tried to encourage them to do things together like playing, bathing etc but it rarely works out OK. I know his Dad has a loud booming voice and a bit of a temper which he has calmed down, and he talks a bit quieter too. I suggested to him not to crowd our son too much, as I noticed he does this and my son doesn't like it.

I feel very sad that there doesn't seem to be any bonding between them, regardless of the time they do spend together. It's not much fun for a father to be constantly rejected by his own son but at the same time it no joy for my son when his Dad gives up and gets cross. I feel like a piggy in the middle.

Dr Spungin's advice
This is something that your partner needs to work on. Your little boy is simply reacting to what he is experiencing. It seems, from what you say, that his dad is perhaps trying too hard and then getting upset when he is 'rejected'. Playing and bathing are activities that can become boisterous, and perhaps overwhelming, for your son, especially if his dad is a 'big' character with a loud voice and outgoing personality.

Sometimes between parents and children - as between unrelated adults - there is a question of chemistry. If your son is a sensitive child he will react differently than if he were naturally boisterous and outgoing. Your husband simply has to adjust his behaviour to the natural temperament of your son.

I would start by finding an activity which is intrinsically 'quiet' and low key, like reading. Suggest that your husband reads to your son one of his favourite books. If your son says he wants you to read to him, don't give in. Maybe say, 'I want to hear daddy read this story, because daddy's a good reader.' If at first your son doesn't want to sit on his dad's knee, leave it to him to decide the 'right' distance, say sitting alongside his dad rather than on his knee.

Over time, as the routine becomes more pleasurable for both then I am sure they will get closer both physically and emotionally.

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