What do you do with a shy 4 yr-old who becomes utterly tongue-tied outside of the home environment? Raisingkids.co.uk's child psychologist Dr Pat Spungin advises how to help a shy child learn to be more confident.

Raisingkids member's problem
My 4 yr-old is very good at speaking at home or with the family. The problem is when she is outside the home environment, or at nursery, she will hardly say two words. I am worried about her as she is due to go to school this year. Can you give me some advice on how to help her come out of her shell?

Dr Spungin's advice
It sounds as if your daughter is a shy child. I suggest that you encourage her to be more social by inviting other children of her age to your home. If she is shy around adults, speak to the carers at the nursery and explain your worries, so that they will be able to do something about it.

Ask them if they can encourage her to participate more at nursery school. When she starts school, talk to her about what she can expect. Tell her the teacher is there to help her. Again explain to the teacher your worries and ask if there is anything you can do at home, that will help your daughter come out of her shell at school. Enlisting the help of the teacher and keeping in regular contact with the teacher, will make sure that your daughter is not overlooked.

Many children are reserved when they start school so you mustn't overreact about this - you have done exactly the right thing to ask for advice and so long as you do what I have suggested above there is no reason for your daughter not to gain confidence at school as time goes on. Your daughter may not ever be the most outgoing child in the class but as long as she has friends and participates in class work, I wouldn't worry too much.

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