How can you help both a toddler and her dad to get to know each other after a long absence? Parenting expert and child psychologist Dr Pat Spungin, CEO of Raisingkids.co.uk, advises.

Raisingkids member's problem
I have an 18 month-old who has terrible tantrums and also suffers with eczema, which keeps her up half the night.

My boyfriend (in the armed forces) has seen very little of his daughter as he has been away on tour. He finds it difficult to cope with our daughter during the short time he's back as he has no patience. He is due back this Christmas for good and I'm concerned he won't be able to handle our daughter's tantrums and wakefulness. Have you any suggestions on how to deal with this? I tell him to just get on with it as she is his daughter.

Dr Spungin's advice
Your daughter's behaviour isn't unusual for a toddler - click here to see what to expect from a child of her age. This stage is often known as the 'terrible twos'! As she learns to communicate better and understand more of the world around her, she'll become better behaved.

The eczema is a problem, especially if it keeps her awake at night. I suggest you visit your GP to see if they can suggest anything. As far as your boyfriend is concerned, explain to him that her eczema is painful and distresses her.

If he's coming back for good, he will have a chance to get to know his daughter properly. Once he becomes bonded to her and she to him, he will have more patience with her. Do whatever you can to help them get to know each other. If you tell him he 'has to get on with it as she is his daughter', it makes her seem like a problem he just has to put up with. Assume that he is concerned about his daughter and wants to be a good parent to her. Involve him. Ask for his help and advice in dealing with her, do fun things together, involve him in her upbringing.

Don't expect too much of her. She will be disturbed by new man in the house, especially one who takes up your time. In the short term, her tantrums may get worse. He may expect her to be more loving towards him and be disappointed. Remind him that she doesn't know he's her daddy and she will need time to get to know him. Take it slowly, if he's home for good, you have time!

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