Tantrums are bad enough in the privacy of your home. When you're out
and about, it's even worse! Parenting expert and child psychologist Dr
Pat Spungin, CEO of Raisingkids.co.uk, advises.
Raisingkids
member's problem What's the best way to deal with a 3
yr-old who (when in a restaurant recently) began kicking the food counter?
When asked not to do so, he had a tantrum and started to hit his mum.
She removed him from the scene and talked to him quietly and firmly, to
no effect. His actions were complete defiance and would not be controlled.
He marched into the restaurant again and repeated his performance. Any
suggestions how to proceed with this one?
Dr Spungin's advice
What she did was probably the right thing to do. When it comes to toddlers
and their tantrums, they're not always under the control of others - in
fact they are not even under the control of the toddler. Diversion can
sometimes help. Get the child interested in something else but (I know)
once a certain point has been passed that you simply can't get the toddler's
attention to divert.
With tantrums prevention is always better than cure. If there are situations
that make your toddler tired or frustrated (maybe he had to sit still
for too long, or no-one was paying him attention, or he was tired or hungry)
try to anticipate them and avoid them. There are situations when toddlers
simply flex their psychological muscle. You say black - he says white.
You say stop - he carries on. This is a battle of wills, a desire to assert
himself and get his way. In this case don't go head-to-head with the child
if you can avoid it. Walk away and ignore it as long as there is no danger.
Without an audience the tantrum has no purpose.
Once a tantrum starts because he has been denied something, don't give
in to the tantrum. Consistency is really important when dealing with toddlers.
If you have said 'no', the fact he embarked on a full-scale thermo-nuclear
tantrum is no reason to give in. When you give in, he learns to carry
on for longer to get results. Tough though it is, hold out.
Generally with children reinforcement of good behaviour can drive out
naughty behaviour. Children flourish when attention is given to good behaviour
but often it is 'bad' behaviour that attracts attention. When a child
is behaving well and cooperatively, acknowledge it by saying something
like 'You were very helpful to Mummy in the supermarket day. Thank-you.'
or 'You played very nicely with that little girl and it was kind of you
to share your toy'.
