A reader wonders why her 13-year-old son has suddenly taken against her. Dr Pat Spungin, Raisingkids.co.uk's resident child psychologist, looks at the evidence.

Raisingkids member's problem
We have a 13-year-old who has suddenly stopped doing anything with us. Until he was 13, as we both work, we always kept Sundays for 'family days'. But since my son became 13 he will no longer participate in these days but remains in his bedroom (where he appears to live). He has lots of friends and is bright and tidy. He has 3 part time jobs (2 paper rounds and a Saturday job) so is not idle. But if he thinks we are going to ask him to help around the house he deliberately makes 'arrangements' to go out, although he admits later he wasn't meeting anyone.

The fact that he won't participate in anything on Sundays really upsets me. I don't want to press him into going as it will result in arguments. He also says that he no longer wants to come on holiday with us. I don't expect him to want to do things with us forever, but I thought 15/16 not 13. Help!

Dr Spungin's advice
Unfortunately kids grow up faster that they did in your generation and begin to separate from their parents sooner. It may be especially for boys and their mothers, that the closer they are the more they feel the need to separate. Your son is at an age of great self consciousness and it seems that he just doesn't want to be seen going out with his parents on the weekend. He'd rather be communicating with friends on his computer, playing games in his room, doing things that interest him. In fact a few more months and I expect he will be asking to go out with his friends during the day on the weekends.

"Trust in what you have done to date. I see a lot of good things in what you tell me."

I can understand your frustration but I would say to you trust in what you have done to date. You have had 'family days' and seem to be very close. That is not easily discounted. I see a lot of good things in what you tell me about your boy; lots of friends, academically achieving, tidy (!!!!) and when he does 'wrong' (by skiving off when you want him to help) he is able to own up. A good son in my books.

Finally, I think that your own distress stems from the feeling that your only child is moving away from you. Remember you brought him up to be a responsible well adjusted adult and he seems to be well on the way to becoming just that. It's just that it has come a little earlier than you expected.

• Learning to let your teenager go
• Teenagers: setting boundaries and giving independence
• Click here to read all of Dr Pat's parenting answers