Does your teenager frequently invade your personal space? Dr Pat Spungin, Raisingkids.co.uk's Expert Child Psychologist, advises on what causes teens to constantly push your physical and emotional boundaries, and how to stop them doing it!

Raisingkids member's problem
My 15 yr-old son keeps invading my personal space. He will deliberately block my path, or his younger sister's, or he'll lean into our faces to exaggerate that he's listening, or he'll move really slowly as he knows how irritating this can be. What is the best way to handle this? I've already tried ignoring it, telling him off, and talking generally about his conduct at a less stressful time.

Dr Spungin's advice
Without knowing more about you and your son, this is a tough one to answer, but I see this behaviour as deliberately provoking. Why do you think he's doing this? Does he have an answer when you ask him? I'm assuming there's no deep-seated cause and he's just flexing some psychological muscle. He's literally and deliberately crossing boundaries by invading your personal space. It's not on!

If he won't respond to your reasonable approaches, ignoring, telling off and discussing when calm, then you have to set up a system of sanctions. State your position - using 'I' language e.g. 'I don't like it and I want you to stop doing it'.

Then state the penalty he'll incur if he continues to cross the boundary e.g. 'If you do it again, you will have your pocket money docked by £10, and will not be allowed to go on the school trip'. If you choose pocket money as the penanlty, stick up a note in a public place and write down the amount each time. Most important, carry through. Don't back down or relent and give in when it comes time to exact the penalty. You must stick to your boundaries.

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