Preparing your child for the transition from helpless dependent to
responsible adult is no easy task! Child psychologist Dr Pat Spungin,
CEO of Raisingkids.co.uk, suggests some ways of guiding teens smoothly
into the adult world.
Raisingkids member's problem Our 13 yr-old is having a hard time learning
to be responsible. She seems very scattered and unaware most of the time.
How can we help her to become more organised and take responsibility for
herself?
Dr Spungin's advice
Your daughter is making the transition from child to adolescent and your
expectations of her have increased accordingly. One of your tasks as a
parent is to help her take on more responsibilities, both at home and
at school. She has to learn these things, just as she had to learn to
walk, talk, read and write.
Talking to her is the key. Discuss what you feel
has to be done, get her suggestions as to how she will do these things,
then let her get on with it. If she needs help, give it without taking
over and without being critical - treat it as a learning experience for
her. She didn't learn to walk without falling a few times so give the
space to make (non-hazardous) mistakes. When she succeeds, praise her
for her achievements.
Key tips for encouraging your daughter to help
around the house and pull her own weight:
Decide what you think she should do e.g. keep
her bedroom tidy.
Discuss with your daughter which chores you
would like her to take on the responsibility for. See our Parenting
Skills section on our website to get the general idea.
Get her to agree with you that these responsibilities
are fair and reasonable, and are things she's capable of actually doing...
this is the most important part! e.g. make sure she knows how to use
the washing machine properly before expecting her to do her own laundry.
Show her what you expect her to do, like putting
her laundry in the basket, making her bed etc.
Take into account homework, and other demands
on her time. When she completes her tasks successfully, make sure you
let her know how much you appreciate it!
Some pointers on how to motivate your 13 yr-old
to get down to her homework:
Talk to her about how much homework she has
to do - is it an hour? Or is more?
Help her make a timetable for each evening.
Include time for some TV, dinner, plus homework time (with a short break).
Get her to do the thinking here - don't
do it for her. This exercise is about helping her learn to plan and
to do things for herself. Ask - don't tell.
Don't expect miracles. Start with small things
that are easy to do. Stick to it and in the long run, she will learn
to take more responsibility for her life.
