Having to deal with a moving house and a new stepfamily isn't easy. In this extract from our archives, parenting expert and child psychologist Dr Pat Spungin, CEO of Raisingkids.co.uk, suggests ways to help make the transition easier.

Raisingkids member's problem
I'm due to move in with and get married to my partner of two years. He has a 17 yr-old daughter and an 8 yr-old son. My own 13 yr-old daughter has just hit puberty with a bang. She's going to find it hard to adjust, so how can I help her settle into her new school and new family? And how can my partner and I avoid the 'your child did this, your child did that' routine?

Dr Spungin's advice
Be realistic. Like any major change in life, all of you will have to adjust and it will take time.

Your 13 yr-old has to deal with a new family and a new school, and brothers and sisters take some getting used to when you've been an only child for 13 years. Unless your daughter's a saint, expect to see some problems with her in the next few months. Be patient, she's coping with a lot of changes. Keep talking to her. Don't lose sight of her need for you at this difficult time. Make time for her and go out together. Enjoy this period with her because once she settles in and gets her own friends, you'll have fewer opportunities to enjoy her company.

You ask how you and you partner can avoid conflicts about the children. Be prepared talk to each other about it and agree a united approach -however much you disagree in private.

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