A divorced father wants his daughter to come for an overnight visit. Dr. Pat Spungin, raisingkids.co.uk's resident
child psychologist, offers advice on how to make it a happy stay for both parent and child.
Raisingkids member's problem My daughter's mother is trying to prevent my daughter from having overnight staying and holiday parenting time with me. She states that my daughter, who is 7, has been sleeping in her bed since August 2004 due to insecurity and does not want to be away from her mother. My daughter has told me she does and is looking forward to it and making plans. I am fearful that there may be a display of dysfunctional behaviour from my daughter when she comes to stay because she knows her mother objects.
Dr Spungin's advice
It seems that your daughter is caught in the middle of the conflict between you and your wife. In this position, she will feel very stressed and fearful of being disloyal to either you or her mother.
You ask me how to handle the situation when she comes to stay. Overall, my thoughts are to keep things familiar (bring some toys, own things) and safe. Specifically,
On the first night don't let her get over tired or over excited. Maybe she has a special comforter she goes to sleep with, a special toy or music she plays when going off to sleep. best thing here would be to get the cooperation of your ex wife if at all possible as to what are your daughter's bedtime routines.
Don't ask or speak about her mother and what goes on at home.
Tell her you miss her and love her when she's not there.
Try to keep to her usual routine and don't over indulge her because you haven't seen her in a while.
If she takes time to settle in when she stays with you, ask her what would make her feel comfortable - leave on the landing light, move her bed into your room. Make sure she has her favourite go-to-bed toys.
If she is fretful and moody, just spend quiet time together reading or playing games.
Don't shower her with presents, that'll make her feel uncomfortable when she goes back to her mother with them.
I hope this helps and that your time with your daughter goes well.
