Your daughter's tantrums are directed at you and not your partner. Dr. Pat Spungin, Raisingkids' resident child psychologist, gives tips on how to soothe an aggressive child.

Raisingkids member's problem
My 6-year-old daughter has started having major tantrums lately; screaming, crying and kicking. She seems easily confused by situations and reacts aggressively.

Most worryingly, she only displays this behaviour toward me. Her father and my partner seem to be beyond her anger. I've tried to find out if anything is wrong at school or with other family members, but I have come up blank each time. Please help.

Dr Spungin's advice
Firstly, Id suggest trying to talk to her one more time. Make some time to be together and get close. Maybe after reading to her before she goes to sleep, talk to her gently about her behaviour. Tell her how upsetting it is for you, and that you think she may be upset or worried about something to behave like this and then ask her if there is something is worrying her. You may not get an answer first time but keep talking without badgering her.

It sounds as if your relationship with your daughter has taken a turn for the worse recently. By 6, your daughter should be able to behave in a more controlled manner. The fact that she doesn't do it with her father or your partner suggests that she can exercise control.

It's important she knows what is allowed and what's not allowed. If she begins to cry or scream when you say 'no', stick to your word and don't give in. Try ignoring her behaviour either by sending her to her room or by leaving yourself (make sure that she can't harm herself) or turning your back on it. It's difficult, but vital if the tantrums are to stop.

I recommend 'How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk' as an excellent book to help you get on the right wavelength with your daughter. Or you could find help by visiting our page on how to build positive behaviour.

• Read Dr Spungin's Archived Answers
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