Ask
Our Experts: Inappropriate Touching?
It's an extremely sensitive issue, but how best should you approach the fact that your youngster keeps exploring their genitals? Dr Pat Spungin, Raisingkids.co.uk's child psychologist,
says they'll grow out of it, eventually.
Raisingkids
member's problem
My 4-yr old daughter has started to explore herself. I am worried/very unhappy about this behaviour as it seems more than just exploring. She will lie with her legs straight and put her hand down there and rubs herself until she gets all hot and sweaty. She has been doing it at bedtime and watching TV (when no one is there watching her) for over a month now and for at least 10-15 minutes. It is really worrying me as it seems more than just exploring/ticking but getting to be a habit. People say it's a phase she's going through but I think it's getting too comfy for her to get over it. I do try to ignore her behaviour, but she still does it, then I get so worked up when I see it and I end up shouting at her, confiscating something she likes very much and banning her from watching TV. I am so upset. How should I really approach this?
Dr
Spungin's advice
Exploring genitals, like exploring other parts of the body, is very common among both boys and girls. They do it because it's pleasurable and this seems to be the case with your daughter. It's not what adults understand by sexual activity.
| 'Many children touch their genitals when they're anxious. All grow out of it.' |
Many children touch their genitals when they are anxious, like thumb-sucking or hair twisting – and it can become a habit. Some children hold or rub their genitals, as part of their getting to sleep routine. It's not at all unusual to see a little boy holding his penis when he is scared or anxious. All children grow out of it.
This kind of behaviour concerns parents, especially if their children do it in public. As children become more aware that parts of their bodies are private, they limit the behaviour to private places. Your daughter will take her cues from what you do and say, so be open but relaxed in talking to her. Don’t shout or punish her. Remember to her it’s just a part of her body like her thumb or hair. She will develop a sense of shame about parts of her body if you do. The fact that she does it when no one is looking suggests that she is already thinking of it as ‘bad’. If you see her rubbing herself, be matter of fact about it but set limits. You could say; 'Touching private parts of our body is something we do in private, not in front of other people'.
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