Having a Christmas birthday is only a problem if your child wants to think it is. However, persuading them to take a positive attitude is easier said than done. Child psychologist Dr. Pat Spungin, offers some advice to the mum of a December baby.

Raisingkids member's problem
My daughter will be 10 on 23 December and she isn't at all happy about it! To be honest, I feel she's getting a rough deal as her 'special day' is overwhelmed by Christmas and she has already started complaining that she's missing out. Although we always make a point of giving her two separate gifts, several relatives tend to give her one present for both, which doesn't help. Do you have any suggestions?

Dr Spungin's advice
If your daughter's feeling hard-done-by, you could point out that there are lots of children who don't get anything for either Christmas or their birthday and that she should think herself lucky. However, in the real world, this argument won't cut much ice with most 10 yr-olds.

Think about the things you can change, rather than the things you can't. You can't do anything about the way that Christmas is hyped-up on TV and in the shops but you can try gentle persuasion with family and friends.

There are two possibilities - ignore Christmas, perhaps even to the extent of having an 'official birthday' at another time of year, or embrace the event and have a thoroughly seasonal celebration. The main thing is to ask your daughter what she would prefer - at 10, she's old enough to decide for herself and will feel much happier being consulted.

If she would like a Christmassy birthday, and you feel up to hosting a party, you could make 23 December the day when your decorations go up and have a tree-trimming theme party. Don't worry about under-attendance - her friends' parents will probably jump at the chance to drop their children off for a few hours and catch up with last-minute shopping.

Try to focus on the event, rather than presents, and encourage your daughter to take pride in being a good hostess by planning games, food and going-home bags for her guests. Activities like making paper-chains, hand-made cards and decorations, icing mince-pies or singing carols can provide a welcome break from all the Christmas commercialism.

If she would like to celebrate the day without a festive theme, 23 December is Japan's national day. How about a fancy-dress party with Japanese food and decorations? If you really want to get creative, she could make origami cards or write invitations as haiku!

If your daughter prefers to celebrate her birthday at another time of year, such as midsummer, make it clear that you'll respect her choice but she has to stick to it and can't complain or change her mind on 22 December. The more say your daughter feels she has over the way her birthday is celebrated, the less likely she will be frustrated by events beyond her control... such as the timing of her birth.

It's hard to broach the topic of gift-giving without seeming rude or ungrateful but if close friends or relatives tend to hand over one joint birthday and Christmas present, you might like to subtly explain why your daughter finds this upsetting. There's a good chance they just haven't realised it's an issue. Be clear that there's no need for them to spend any more money on two smaller gifts than on one large one, and make sure your daughter returns the compliment afterwards by writing two separate thank-you letters!

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