Ask Our Experts:
Too Much For a 12 Yr-Old
How do you stop your daughter growing up too fast? Child psychologist
Dr. Pat Spungin, suggest some ways to remind your child she is still a
child.
Raisingkids member's problem
My 12 yr-old
daughter looks and acts much older than she is. She has recently been
seeing a 16 yr-old boy and I've discovered that she has been drinking
and smoking. She was punished, and
the boy has agreed to stop seeing her, but I don't know how to talk to
her without pushing her away.
Dr Spungin's advice
This is a really difficult issue for parents,
but very common. The most important thing is that you should be able to
talk to her as well as listen to her. At 12 she is very young for such
'adult' pursuits and you are right to express your disquiet. It's difficult
to keep track of her 24 hours a day, so you have to be able to trust her.
Do this by making it clear what your views and expectations are and that
you expect and trust her to comply.
It's vital that you stay calm, keep talking to
her, but be consistent. Without lecturing, make sure she understands what
your viewpoint is and that you expect her to comply. You may be in for
a rocky period, but trust in her good sense and the work you have done
to date and it will come out right.
I recommend looking at the large section on teenagers
here at raisingkids.co.uk. There are also valuable pages on how to prevent
your child smoking
and drinking.
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