Is your child too old to be playing with toys? Raisingkids.co.uk's Dr Pat Spungin talks about child development and avoiding growing-up too fast.

Raisingkids member's problem
How should deal with my 12 yr-old, who is still very childish? She loves to play with soft toys, enjoys TV programmes, and listening to pop songs, but gets very low grades in history, geography, science, and maths. She is very aggressive by nature but at the same time very loving.

Dr Spungin's advice
I think that you should breathe a sigh of relief that your 12 yr-old is behaving like a child and not like an adult. We get plenty of emails from parents concerned that their children are growing up too fast and causing them a great deal of worry about drinking, drugs and underage sex. If your daughter wants to stay a child, then enjoy these years and don't worry. She will grow up soon enough. Many parents of difficult teenagers would envy you.

The most important thing you can do as her parents is to accept her for what she is and enjoy her company. Look at the section on our web site concerned with Development at this age - this may help you put her pace of development in context

As for your daughter's low grades, sit down and talk to her about the subjects she is struggling with. Is it that she finds the work too hard, does she get too much homework, or is the teacher hard to understand? By far the most adult skill you can teach your daughter is to have a grown-up discussion and you need to set an example by being aprochable and helpful when she has a problem.

Make sure you listen to what she has to say and include her in any decisions you make to improve the situation. Avoid shouting at her or criticising her about her grades, see our Parenting Skills section for advice on how to reach an understanding with your daughter and communicate calmly.

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