Ask Our Experts: Can't Agree On A Name!
A couple of parents-to-be are at loggerheads over choosing a name for their baby. Dr Pat Spungin, Raisingkids.co.uk's resident child psychologist, offers advice.
Raisingkids member's
problem
I’m at my wit’s end. I’m expecting a baby in a month’s time and my husband and I still can’t agree on a name. He wants to call our son – we know it’s a boy – after his father and won’t discuss it any further. I’ve suggested drawing up shortlists, but he won’t talk about it with me. It’s not as if I want to call the baby after my dad, although he would probably be upset to find out we’ve named him after my husband’s father. I’d just like us to agree on something together. Am I asking too much?
Dr Spungin's advice
What's your objection to the name? Do you dislike it or is it just not your favourite? Is it old fashioned? Will your child be teased with this name? If you feel as strongly against the name as your husband is for it, you will have to find a compromise. There are several options open to you.
First Choice, Second Name
You could use your husband’s preferred name as a second name. Find a first name you can both like. When he is old enough to choose, if your son prefers the second name, he can adopt it later. Many people change their name when they leave the family setting.
Sounds Like...
Perhaps you could come up with a derivation of your father-in-law's name you both like; for example, John, Jonathan, Jack, Jonty. I suggest that you buy a book and think around the name. Is there a foreign version of it that you both like? If your husband wants a name to honour his father by naming your son after him, then a name that is similar but recognisably the same would do.
Feeling Left Out
On another level, you could say that you think your own father won't like it and will feel left out and you wouldn't want to upset anyone in the family at this joyful time. Tell your husband that you yourself feel excluded from the process. That although you will accept your husband's choice as a second name, you feel that part of the joy of having a child is the naming of that child together with your partner. The baby is for both of you and the naming should be shared.
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