Her son is six months old, but she's uncomfortable with others holding him. What should this mother do?

Raisingkids member's problem
I feel very uncomfortable when other people hold my baby. He is my first child and he's now 6 months old. We have his christening coming up and relatives are expecting me to allow him to be passed round a room of 20 people. This is going to be very hard for me and I would like to tell them no when they ask to hold him. Sometimes his grandparents won't pass him back when I ask and I have to physically take him back. I don't understand why people (even strangers) feel compelled to hold my baby. When I let others hold him my chest tightens and I get all those anxiety signs. Sometimes even his dad holding him upsets me if I can tell from his noises that he's upset or frustrated. Am I just being over-possessive?

Dr Spungin's advice
Thanks for your interesting query. My first question would be 'What is it that you’re afraid of?' Do you think that they’ll drop him, or that it’s unhygienic? Or are you afraid that he’ll be uncomfortable with them?

Assuming it's not the first two, you're saying that you're anxious that he’ll be grizzly and get upset in which case you'll have a perfect excuse for taking him back. But just suppose he's not upset by someone else holding him and that he's quite happy to go to other people. What's wrong with that? He's still very close to you and you'll certainly be the centre of his world for another twelve months or so. But it's important for him to have good bonds with other people, in particular with his father. There will be times that you won't or can't be there for your baby and he needs to have someone else with whom he feels completely comfortable and relaxed. If he likes being with his grandparents then that's four more people he can trust and depend upon and not just you.

It shows great feeling on your part that you can't bear the idea that your child will be distressed, but you are anticipating too much. Your baby may get stimulation from other people which is good for him and when you've got a lively, jokey child that gets on easily with others, you'll know exactly where it comes from!

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