What's the best way to stop a toddler belting seven blazes out of their poor mum? Our parenting expert Dr Pat Spungin offers advice.

Raisingkids member's problem
My daughter Gracie is 19 months old and is hitting me. She will only hit me and no-one else. When she is fustrated, has been told no or something is not going her way she specifically comes over to me and slaps me. I have tried various ways of dealing with it but at the moment I remove her from the situation, go down to her level and say something like, you don't hit mummy, hitting isn't nice, please say sorry to mummy. on asking her to say sorry she gives me a hug. I am just not sure if I am responding the right way? She is pretty switched on and her vocabulary seems advanced. She is putting three to four words together at the moment but I do feel she still gets very fustrated not being able to talk fully and rationalise her feelings. Any guidance or advice will be greatly appreciated. I really don't want to fail her.

Dr Spungin's advice
I think you are doing the right thing in getting down to her level and speaking sternly.

Make sure your voice is firm and level so that she understands that you don't like it.

Keep it simple; 'Don't hit mummy. I don't want you ever to smack me', but don't follow it up with a hug. In my opinion that has the effect of canceling out the message which you give.

On the other side when she is nice to you – which is probably most of the time – then praise her for being a loving little girl. 'I like it when you are kind to mummy and don't smack me' and then give her a kiss. She gets your attention when she is good and then she will want to be good more often.

Good luck and I am sure there is no question of you failing her.

• What to do when your child makes hurtful comments
• Why toddlers are aggressive
• How to stop your toddler biting