How should you react when your child's nursery presents a picture that doesn't match the child you know? Dr Pat Spungin, raisingkids.co.uk's resident child psychologist, counsels a worried couple.

Raisingkids member's problem
We are two 'worried' parents who think we need some advice from a child psychologist but don't know where to start. We have a bright energetic nearly 4-year-old daughter. Until last week we thought she was doing well at nursery. Then we got the 'news' that she isn't integrating as well as she 'should' . What we see as enthusiasm is played back to us as lack of concentration etc. We would like to talk to an expert, expand on the issues as we see them, then perhaps get some sort of independent assessment. We simply want the best advice so that we can give our little daughter the best possible guidance. Could you point us in the right direction ?

Dr Spungin's advice
You can find a psychologist by going to British Psychology Society's website. http://www.bps.org.uk.

Without knowing your child I obviously can't comment, but intuitively I feel that this is just one (unqualified?) person's comment on your child's natural exuberance. Talk to the nursery school staff. See what exactly they are talking about. 'Concentrating' is something most 3-year-olds find difficult. 'Integrating' - what does that mean? Does she play with other children? Can she share? Does she join in group activities? I would ask for more detail, if I were you, so that you understand what they are referring to and if you think there is any justification in it.

Look And Learn
It might also be a good idea to ask if you can sit in on a nursery session one morning and watch what is going on and see if you agree with their comments.

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