Children's fears aren't always rational, but they can be extremely worrying, both for the parents and the child. In this extract from our archives, parenting expert and child psychologist Dr Pat Spungin, CEO of Raisingkids.co.uk, discusses how to approach these phobias.

Our member's problem
My four year-old has a real fear of dogs. If she even sees one in the distance, no matter how small it is or whether it's barking or silent, she screams and shakes, and wants to be picked up. We had a family dog until a year ago, and she wasn't even very keen on that - when the dog had its fur trimmed it took my daughter three or four days to get used to it without screaming when the dog came in the room. She's never been bitten or snapped at by any dog - this problem has been going on for over two years so how do I deal with it?

Dr Spungin's advice
This is quite difficult to deal with and will take some time. Your daughter's fear of dogs keeps her away from them, so she can't learn that dogs won't harm her through direct experience. All I can suggest is something psychologists call 'desensitisation' - basically, expose your daughter to dogs, first of all in a very low-threat situation (e.g. a picture in a book) and then build up her exposure, until she can at least see or even pass a dog in the street.

Start with something completely 'safe' from her point of view, maybe a picture book with dogs in it or perhaps a soft doggie toy. Talk to her about what she sees. Show her pictures of your dog and talk about what a nice dog it was and how she used to stroke it, etc. Remind her that she's had good experiences with your family dog. When you're outdoors, point out dogs (at a distance) that are playing nicely with children or adults. Don't ever force her closer to a dog than she feels comfortable with. The objective is that over time she can tolerate closer and closer contact with dogs. This is a long process so don't rush any stage.

If she's frightened in public, just pick her up and take her away calmly and quietly. She probably won't be able to touch a dog for a long time, but as long as she can be reassured when there are dogs within a limited area, that's as much as you can aim for at the moment.

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