What can you do when your 16 yr-old's friends drink in pubs and go out clubbing? Raisingkids.co.uk.'s expert Dr Pat Spungin suggests how to protect your teen from the dangers of drinking without nagging or lecturing.

Raisingkids member's problem
My 16 yr-old daughter socialises with a group of friends (of the same age) who like to visit pubs, clubs and wine bars. As a responsible parent should I be letting her go? My wife thinks I'm being too strict by telling her she is too young to go to clubs and pubs and also feels she will lose her friends if I don't allow her to join in these activities. Do you think there is a compromise, as I don't like seeing my daughter upset?

Dr Spungin's advice
Your daughter is like thousands of other teens... and like many parents in your position, you feel uneasy about her underage drinking. Also, like thousands of other teens, if you try to stop her she will probably do it behind your back.

Socialising with her friends takes priority at this stage. Although you don't like it, the best thing is to accept it and talk to her about responsible drinking. Avoid lecturing her and try to engage her in a discussion; for example, never drink and drive (although I find that under 21s are very responsible in this matter), don't get into a car where the driver has been drinking, (especially if it is a young male who has only recently passed his test). How much alcohol is too much, what kinds of pubs and clubs she goes to and what kind of other people go there?

Make sure that you know where she is, who she's with, and that you agree times for coming home. One of the most important things at this age is the peer group. If they are nice kids who work hard at school and are well behaved, then you can relax a little. Unfortunately the pub is where a lot of teen social life is these days. Your wife is right when she says that it will affect your daughter's social life if she can't go to the pub.

If your daughter sees moderate drinking at home, your attitudes to alcohol will be the prevailing ones in the long run. In the short run, you may see signs of teenage excess occasionally, but that goes with the territory of parenting a teenager.

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