Can a friend overstep the mark and become an interfering busy-body? When should you speak out and when should you keep schtum? Parenting expert and child psychologist Dr Pat Spungin, CEO of Raisingkids.co.uk, advises.

Raisingkids member's problem
I'm so concerned about my friend's kids. She's struggling on her own with two young boys aged 6 and 9. Since being back at school this term they've missed 8 days between them through 'illness' yet she never takes them to the doctor or gives them anything for coughs/colds. They missed the last week of last term so surely the school will be worried? Their diet is poor and that probably doesn't help but how can I help my friend and her kids without losing her friendship by upsetting her?

Dr Spungin's advice
Reading between the lines, it seems the problem isn't so much with the children, it's with your friend and her ability to cope at the moment. You seem to imply that the the time they are taking off school is not due to 'illness' as such but is possibly due to poor diet and/or perhaps a degree of neglect. It sounds as if your friend is finding it difficult to cope and I wonder if she's a bit depressed.

The children's absences will have been noted at their school - our education expert tells me all absences are monitored on a termly basis. If a child is absent without notification for 2 days or more, or returns to school without a written explanation for the time off, special notice is taken in these circumstances.

If (as you say) you're worried about saying the wrong thing and upsetting your friend, don't discuss the subject unless she raises the topic first. You can support her by spending time together and maybe try to boost her spirits by going out for a treat with her. If she wants to talk to you about her problems, she'll do it when she feels comfortable about it.

If your friend would like free, confidential, professional assistance, Parentline Plus can put her in touch with local support groups if she's feeling isolated.

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