What do you do when your child goes from doing well at school to underachieving? Parenting expert and child psychologist Dr Pat Spungin, CEO of Raisingkids.co.uk, suggests reasons for this kind of development, and methods of overcoming it.

Raisingkids member's problem
After a good start to the school year, our 11 year-old's grades have been steadily declining. His latest report card is particularly poor. We're not sure what the problem is and it's causing lots of worry and disagreement. Sometimes we feel he hates us, and I'm sure he thinks we hate him. This is really getting to us. I'd like to talk to somebody who can help but I don't know where to turn to.

Dr Spungin's advice
There are many reasons for under-achieving at school. Did he try his best? Maybe he's missed something important? Perhaps he was ill and wasn't able to catch up? Maybe specific topics have been badly taught and no-one in the class did well. Is he being bullied or picked on? He may be entering puberty and this can often be a difficult time.

Ask him about what's behind his poor grades but don't criticise, just try to find out what happened and why. If he tried his best you really can't blame him. Listen to him sympathetically; he's probably disappointed that he didn't do well, too. He needs support and encouragement from you, to succeed at school. Ask his teacher's opinion and remember this is just one set of work. Next time, your son's marks may well improve; ask his teacher for suggestions. Although it's hard, try not to get worked up! It definitely won't help and may even make the situation worse.

Could you be putting too much pressure on him? Obviously, you want the best for your son but maybe you're too anxious about school work and the pressure is too much for him. He could have the mistaken impression that you only care about his grades - not about him. Accept him for what he is, and tell him that you love him whether he's top of the class or not. Reassure him that you trust him to do his best and encourage him to ask you both for help when he needs it. Remember, if he makes mistakes, or doesn't do as well as you hoped, it's not the end of the world.

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