A concerned mother looks for help in returning to the days when her baby was more placid. Dr Pat offers an insight into a young child's development

Raisingkids member's problem
My son was very obedient (for lack of a better word) before he came down with an ear infection a couple of weeks back. When I said 'no' he would stop and I could distract him with a toy or something else. But I let him get away with most things while he was ill because I felt sorry for him and now he doesn't listen to me. I've tried tapping the back of his hands, hitting the back of my hand when it's on his to see if the sound scares. His behaviour is worrying me because he keeps trying to climb up the TV stand, pulling the fireguard over and so on. He even tips the dog water over himself, which is amusing sometimes I must admit but it's wrong and I want him to start listening to me again

Dr Spungin's advice

I'm not naughty...
First of all it's important to know that disciplining is not something that a 10 month old needs. A 10 month old is not naughty in the conventional sense of the word, i.e. not doing things because he knows they are wrong or they will upset someone. A 10 month old simply doesn't have the mind to think like that. He operates only on his own view of the world and he quite simply isn't able to think about what he does, as obedient or naughty.

I'm exploring...
What your 10 month old is doing is exploring his world. Sometimes, in trying to find out about the world by reaching for things, touching things, he does things that might hurt him, spoil something or is touching something he shouldn't touch. Remember 10 months ago your little boy knew nothing about the world. He didn't know what anything felt like, what happens if you shake something, how to reach out and grab hold something or even what happens if you empty the dog's water bowl.. Since birth he has been learning these things and there's a lot more to learn. In fact there is a lifetime's learning ahead of him and by encouraging his exploration now you are setting up a positive approach to learning for the rest of his life.

...and learning about the world
I don't think his recent behaviour has anything to do with the infection he had. I think he is getting older, more mobile and more able to explore his surroundings. This exploration is an important part of development. He needs to experience the world. For a parent the important thing at this stage is create an environment in which he can satisfy his curiosity in a safe but stimulating way.

What parents can do
Child-proof your house. Make sure there is nothing he can reach that could hurt him. Never smack him. He doesn't understand why you are doing it and it stunts his curiosity, which is a wonderful gift and if encouraged will help his future learning.

It is worrying that he wants to go to the tv stand and fireguard and there is a real danger that he could upset it and hurt himself. You can't watch him 100% of the time and if he keeps on returning I would take the tv off the stand until he is old enough to understand.

How can you get over the message that there are certain things he mustn't touch? When he goes there, go to him, stop him from touching it by holding his hand, look him in the face and say very firmly No! and avoiding eye contact and with a stern face remove him.

My son, the scientist

If you see your boy as a little learner, then what he did with the dog's water bowl teaches him something about water and what happens if he lifts the bowl to himself and tips it. He is learning something he didn't know before - how water feels, the fact that the full bowl is heavier then an empty bowel, how the water has 'gone' and his clothes are wet --- all things that a baby didn't know before, although they are so obvious to us adults. He will have many many more experiences with water, before he understands fully, but this episode is a small part of that learning. Babies often repeat actions to reinforce their learning; a common example is throwing things from a high chair, waiting until someone picks it up and then throwing it again . and again. What the child is learning from this activity goes by the fancy name of 'object constancy' - i.e. that an object still exists even when we can't see it. Something that is so obvious to an adult, we can't imagine we ever had to learn it.

Don't give mixed messages

I think your son may be getting mixed messages about the water bowl. To your little boy it may seem like a game because sometimes he makes you laugh when he does it - which he likes and would like to do again. Surprisingly the fact that you only laugh sometimes and not every time, makes it more likely that he will do it again. So if you don't want him to do something, however funny and cute it is, don't smile or laugh or he will think it is a game.

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