How can you offer a clever toddler the right kind of stimulation? And how can you help social development keep up with language skills? Education expert, Elizabeth Cook, has some suggestions.

Raisingkids member's problem
Our 21 month-old sometimes pushes children away when he is playing and can be aggressive as well. It does not matter as to the age of the child as he has pushed away children over 4 yrs-old and reduced some of them to tears. Normally he is a very happy, pleasant and clever little boy who is very affectionate and gentle to small babies especially.

Other parents, group leaders and friends have commented on how advanced he is with his speech, knowledge, memory etc. and as his father (working 55 hrs a week) I perhaps do not notice it as much as my wife. He can count to 20 with ease, he knows most letters, how they sound and examples such as 'D is for dog' (often coming out with 2-3 examples of D and other letters). He regularly has 3-4 word chats, knows and recites most nursery rhymes in full without breaking, and even knows Kylie Minogue's songs! He knows exactly what he wants/does not want and knows most animals/birds and the sounds that they make.

My point is, how do we gauge his intelligence in terms of what we should be doing for him educationally? What level we should be encouraging him to? And perhaps when he is doing things that other children his age are doing, is he bored and hence his temper tantrums?.

Elizabeth's advice
Your son does sound advanced for his age, but children develop in different areas at different rates. Although he is obviously advanced in his linguistic skills it sounds like his social skills need some work and you may want to concentrate your efforts on those.

Temper tantrums are not unusual for 21 month-olds, as yet they do not understand the concept of sharing, so be patient. Take as many opportunities as you can to place your child in the company of other children but stay close and explain gently why he shouldn't be aggressive or push other children. He is obviously a quick learner but he needs as much help in learning social skills as he did in learning his language skills. However, with your help he will learn.

In terms of developing his intellectual skills, you are obviously doing very well already, so just keep on challenging him. I assume that you are already reading to him and helping him to enjoy stories and books, and that he is probably exploring marks that he can make with pencils, pens, etc. If not, then introduce them to him and he will be sure to enjoy the new challenges.

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