9-13 Yrs: When One Sibling Is A High Achiever
If one of your children is a high-achiever, do you worry about the
other one? Can growing up in the shadow of a clever sibling damage a child's
self-esteem? How can you avoid it?
A
clever child is the source of a great deal of parental pride, but be careful
how you show it. If one child's always in the limelight, the other will
be in the shade.
Watch
yourself!
Try not to boast about the 'gifted' child's
achievements in front of the other, but take care with more subtle signs
too. Do you ever ask difficult questions, just so you can marvel at one
child's intelligence? If they're both out with you, do you point things
out to the high-flier rather than other? If your less-academic child gives
an opinion on something, do you listen with the same attention? Do you
ever stop listening to one when your 'mini-Einstein' speaks?
These
are all ways of reinforcing the talented child's sense of their own ability.
You're also implying your other child has less interesting things to say,
and that you think they won't be able to understand some things nor appreciate
them like their gifted sibling.
Different
strokes for different folks
Children compare with each other. They
make judgments about which talents and abilities are important, based
on what their parents say. If your children feels being clever is the
most important measure of someone's worth, then they may feel less worthy
if they are less clever. Cleverness is only one talent of many. Unfortunately
for children, it's often the one that seems most important, because they
spend so much of their time at school.
Children
with high-achieving siblings want to be valued for themselves, and have
their unique and special qualities recognised and acknowledged. Ask yourself
what special qualities make your child who he is. These qualities may
be things that you take for granted, like having a wicked sense of humour
or the ability to make friends. Practical skills like cookery, organisational
abilities, being a sympathetic listener or keeping people entertained
are all talents children can build on and make their own.
But be sure
You must be convinced in your own mind
that each of your children's qualities are equally special in their own
right. If not, you're short-changing them. Don't forget that success in
life is about much more than being clever. Many people have achieved great
success by talents other than the ability to pass exams - Albert Einstein,
Bill Gates, Winston Churchill among many others.
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