If one of your children is very jealous and competitive towards their sibling, can you assume they'll grow out of it?

It's often the eldest child, who may feel threatened and challenged in areas they used to be 'best at'. It's pretty galling to have your younger brother or sister come out with the answer, before you've had a chance to think about the question!

Is 'the baby' catching up?
Older children get used to being best at everything. As children get older, difference in their ages matters less and the younger ones start to catch up. Is a younger sibling catching up with - maybe surpassing - an older one?

What's the problem?
The first step is to understand what lies behind competitive behaviour. Listen to complaints - they will reveal the feelings underneath. If the eldest feels they've lost 'prime position' look out for comments like 'You're such a know-all' or 'You think you're better than everyone.' One child may belittle another's achievements ('anyone could do that') or avoid competing where victory is not guaranteed.

Don't make comparisons between them, and discourage high-achievers from gloating.

What to do
Parents often over-emphasise the importance of academic achievement. Many children feel less able than their siblings, because they don't do as well at school. School is only one area of your child's life and shouldn't determine their self worth.

Everyone has special qualities and talents and each of your children have qualities that are different from their siblings'. Is he or she artistic, practical, a good cook, a natural comic, a great socialiser or sporty? Help competitive children by identifying their strengths and developing their confidence in their own unique abilities. Make sure they understands that - though different - their talents are equally valued by you.

Are you expectations of the older child too high?
Research suggests a boy with an older sister is often spoiled and babied by their mother and his sister resents it. It is very easy for parents to over-estimate the maturity of their first born, especially if she is a girl.

Compared with a younger brother, a 'big sister' may seem very capable. This doesn't mean she wouldn't occasionally like to be indulged and spoiled like her brother! If your family fits this pattern, make an effort, lower your expectations and give her some of the spoiling he gets.

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