9-13 Yrs: Why Do They Fight All The Time?
It's normal for siblings to fight over everything and anything. Identify
the triggers and deal with them and enjoy a quieter life.
Watch
any young primates at play and you'll see lots of rough and tumble. It's
harmless.
Boys
in particular enjoy this kind of play. Unless you judge they are likely
to hurt themselves, let them get on with it. If the noise drives you crazy,
find yourself a quiet place or send them outside.
When
horseplay gets out of hand
They are now getting bigger and stronger than they realise. Horseplay
of this type can sometimes get out of hand and turn to 'real' fighting.
If you're not sure if it's real fighting or a game, check it out by asking
'Is this a play-fight or is it real?' Play-fights can sometimes be disguised
bullying. Parents may dismiss it as just fun but to the poor child who
is getting hammered it's anything but!
Tired
and irritable?
Do they seem to fight more at the end of the day, when they are tired
and irritable? If so, plan evening activities to help them wind down.
Watching television, (avoid violent and aggressive programmes) playing
on a computer or listening to music are all suitable low-key activities.
Why
do they fight?
Deal with the things that cause the most persistent fights. If it's about
possessions, make them establish rules about sharing. If it's about space,
let them divide their shared space in an agreed way. Don't you introduce
the rules make them work it out for themselves. That way they are more
likely to stick to it.
Be
firm
Parents need some time to themselves at the end of the day. Be firm that
once he is in bed, he stays there. If he comes down, take his hand and
lead him back to bed without saying anything. If he comes down again,
repeat the procedure. It is important that your son understands that you
need time for yourself.
Chemistry
Between brothers and sisters, there are sometimes personality clashes
that make it difficult for them to get along together. You can't alter
the way they react to each other but explain how disturbing it is for
the rest of the family. Tell them the rest of the family want a quiet
life. Ask them to sort out their disagreements and agree a workable compromise.
You may have to act as referee at first but eventually you should be able
to trust them to do it on their own.
You're not the boss!
Older children come to assume that they
have certain rights, because of their age. They may like to boss the younger
child and be the leader at everything. This works fine with an easy-going
younger sibling or if there is a large age gap. With a small age gap or
a more assertive child, the older child's supremacy will be challenged,
sometimes with fists.
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