'Active listening' is one of the most effective ways of helping your child develop problem solving skills.

If you use the 'active listening' technique, it helps your child confront his own feelings. Once he's taken this step, he's on the way to an understanding of his own emotions and developing emotional intelligence.

Bring it into the open
Being able to bring a worry out into the open is the first step in dealing with it. From this point, you can help him face the problem and perhaps find a solution to it. Don't take the problem away however strong your desire to 'make things right'. It is only by confronting and working through problems that children learn for themselves.

You may think that if you acknowledge the feeling, you will add to it. Just the opposite is true. By acknowledging the feeling, especially if it is a 'bad' one like anger, resentment or jealousy, you are letting your child know it's okay to feel those feelings.

You can't change the feeling
You can't do anything about the way your child feels, but you can make it clear that it's not alright to act on the feelings. If your son smacks his sister for breaking his video game, then you might say:

I can see that you are angry with your sister for breaking your game (feelings accepted) but it's not okay to hit her. (behaviour limited).

• Parenting Pre-Teens: Where You Both Stand
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• What Pre-Teens Want: Someone To Listen
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