Parenting
Pre- Teens: Listening Is An Active Process
Listening is the one thing children wish their parents would do more
of. Listening is not the same as hearing.
Father:
'I hear what you say.'
Son: 'Yes, but you're not listening.'
See
what I mean?
The words are going in, but the father is not making an effort to understand
what his son really means. To get the full meaning of what someone is
saying, it's necessary to listen actively. Active listening involves such
things as asking questions and checking out what you've heard ('Are you
saying that...') with the purpose of fully understanding the other person's
viewpoint.
Listening
is not the same as agreeing
As you listen to your pre-teen, you may
realise that you are never going to agree with him. But don't stop listening.
When he has finished, state briefly and unemotionally what you think he
has said. Then get him to agree that you have properly understood. Then
tell him that you do understand, but you still don't agree. He won't like
it; he will probably accuse you of not listening, but at least you have
done him the courtesy of listening properly and it is possible that you'll
get some credit for that.
On
a more positive note, more often than not, active listening allows you
to see some of the logic and value in the other person's point of view.
Assuming right is not all on one side, you can then negotiate to reach
a compromise.
We have two ears and one mouth.
We should use them in proportion.
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