When pre-teens start thinking and choosing for themselves, that's when the arguments begin.

Parents still feel free to criticise their pre-teen's study habits, friends, music and opinions. Now the parents' hidden agenda becomes clear. Summed up it is, 'Yes, think for yourself - but think the same things I do.' No longer taking your word for everything, your pre-teen may fight against what she sees as unwarranted interference and unjustified restrictions.

Make your own mistakes (sometimes)
If you've brought up your child to think for herself and to show initiative, at some point she may think and do things you don't like. She's entitled to her views and as long as she isn't doing anything harmful to herself or others, she should be allowed to make her own decisions.

If you are respectful of her right to make (some) decisions for herself, she may continue to seek your advice through adolescence and beyond. If you go on lecturing, criticising and bossing, then she will increasingly turn to her friends as time goes on.

Have faith in the work you've done to date
Prepare the ground well, and maybe adolescence won't be as hard as you think. Research shows that nearly 60% of young people said they 'get on well with their parents' and a survey in October 2000 revealed that, for most teenagers, the person they most admire is their mother.

• Neutralising Common Pre-Teen Flashpoints
• Parenting Pre-Teens: What's Wrong With Labels?
• Parenting Pre-Teens: New Message, Better Behaviour
• How To Undo Your Pre-Teen's Label