Toddlers and teenagers are the traditional trouble-makers but going by our Discussions, adolescent attitudes are starting ever earlier. Unfortunately 'growing up' doesn't always mean 'maturing'.

As your child grows up, your relationship changes. At 12, your child will probably be bigger, taller, and more developed than you were at the same age. Most pre-teens are becoming fashion-conscious, more streetwise, and don't want to be treated like children any more.

The way it was
All the way through primary school, you knew everything about your child's life. He listened wide-eyed to what you said and believed it all. You made the decisions about his life; if you insisted that something be done, it got done. You knew what was best for your child and he accepted it.

How it is now
You still have considerable influence over your child. Remember, underneath it all he is still young, inexperienced and in need of guidance and protection. Establish fundamental expectations, limits and house rules now - you'll reap the benefits down the road!

Once he turned to you for help and advice, now the opinion of friends is taking centre-stage. Once you knew everything, now your knowledge about anything that matters - like music, friends, relationships and fashion - is dwindling by the week. It's hard, but try not to be too upset by these important first steps towards independence.

Where it's going
Good parents work themselves out of a job. They take a baby who is totally dependent and turn him into a competent adult who can manage his own life. This process involves stepping back as the growing child takes on more and more control of his own life.

However, don't be persuaded to let your pre-teen have more freedom than they can cope with. Let your child know you believe in his good judgment, encourage him to stand by his values and code of conduct and discuss the challenges of peer pressure. Make sure your pre-teen knows you'll always be there for him as he leaves the relative calm of childhood and moves into the stormy waters of adolescence.

• Give Your Pre-Teen Praise That Works!
• Positive Praising For Pre-Teens
• Mistaken Beliefs About Praising Your Pre-Teen