Pre-Teens:
Deciding Where To Set Boundaries
Establish fundamental expectations, limits and house rules now - you'll
reap the benefits down the road! Remember sensible limits and structure
make children feel secure, but overly harsh rules can lead to problems.
Learn
to accept superficial irritations. Tolerate attempts to fit in - weird
clothes, garish hair colours, multicoloured nails. It's harmless and answers
your pre-teen's need to 'look like everyone else'.
Decide
what matters - ease up on things that don't
Tolerance in areas like this can build your credibility for times when
you need to declare seriously anti-social or harmful behaviour out of
bounds.
But
negotiate a few firm rules
Now's the time to review expectations with your child. Consider dropping
insignificant rules in exchange for firm adherence to the ones you consider
critical. These may relate to schoolwork, respectful behaviour at home,
and curfews. Explain why these rules are important and be firm in upholding
them. Rules may need adapting as he matures but don't change them without
explanation. Sit down again and negotiate a new agreement.
Keep talking... and listening!
Along with establishing limits, be sure to set up an open communication
line! Let your child know you believe in his good judgment and encourage
him to stand by his values and code of conduct. Discuss the challenges
of peer pressure. Let him know you'll always be there for him.
And listen to what he says! You'll learn a lot
more by listening to your child than you ever will by talking.
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