Are
You Too Strict With Your Pre-Teens?
Too lax? Too strict? How much freedom does your pre-teen need?
The
pre-teen years may be the calm before the storm. Yesterday's obliging
child is mutating into a teenager, so lay the foundations now before adolescence
kicks in.
'All
my friends can...'
If your pre-teen says all her friends are allowed to do everything and
you're horrible for forbidding her, take it with a grain of salt!
She
sees herself as an almost-teenager and you see her as little more than
a child. Girls mature earlier than boys and often seem much older than
their years. Remember she's still young, inexperienced and in need of
guidance and protection.
It
ain't what you say; it's the way that you say it
You still have considerable influence over your child. If you think her
clothes are 'too old' for her, she's too young to go out alone at weekends,
she shouldn't watch horror films or explicit sex scenes, then say so.
You can still have the influence you used to have but think about a change
of tone when talking to your pre-teen. Let discussing and agreeing replace
telling, ordering and 'suggesting'.
'My parents are so strict!' (thankfully)
Pre-teens often move in packs and group
influence is very strong. Sometimes the peer group is too far ahead of
your child. She may complain loudly about how strict you are, but she
will be secretly relieved to be able to say 'I can't do that, my parents
won't allow it.' It saves face in front of her friends.
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