Do your pre-teen's bad habits put you in a bad temper? How can you make them stop?

Nose-picking, nail-biting, sniffing, chewing - nothing life-threatening but it's driving you round the bend. A third of 10 year-olds bite their nails. Bad habits are normal and nagging makes it worse.

Punishment is counter-productive
Your child is probably oblivious to what she's doing so don't make a fuss or belittle her. Some habits pass quickly while others - like nail-biting - persist. Habits are difficult to break, so be supportive and sympathetic. Do you bite your nails? Have you ever smoked? Recognise your own bad habits, both past and present.

Spell it out
Start by explaining the downside of nail-biting, scratching, chewing her cuffs or whatever it may be. Public nose-picking is anti-social. Chewing your clothes costs money, so there's less for treats. Bitten fingers can get infected. Look for possible medical causes - sniffing, nose-picking or scratching can be signs of allergies. Remember she probably likes what she's doing - it's a comfort habit so, to stop the habit, provide comfort and assurance elsewhere.

Offer help
Devise a little sign to let her know she's doing it - and to stop. Something unobtrusive like raising your eyebrows or a quick wink. Watch when bad habits occur and offer something else to fiddle with or chew. If you can, stop what you're doing and start a conversation with her. It's difficult to chew and talk.

Don't use paint-on deterrents for nail-biting - she'll resent it, and perversely, some children develop a taste for bitter aloes. Go for a direct incentive: 'Stop biting your nails and I'll let you wear nail-varnish at the weekend'.

Most bad habits are brought on by stress
Stress can be due to a busy schedule. If so, drop a few after-school activities and give her time to chill out. Show her how to unwind and deal with stressful situations. Could you be putting unintentional pressure on her by emphasising good marks at school or expecting her to deal with adult situations?

The bigger picture
Did her habits begin in reaction to an unsettling change? If your family's gone through a recent divorce or bereavement, she may be using her habits for reassurance.

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