When
Your Pre-Teen Doesn't Tell The Truth
By the age of 9, is your child old enough to be honest? How can you
deal with tall tales and lying?
Telling
fact from fantasy and truth from lies is something you learn. It's part
of growing up. Your pre-teens are old enough to know the difference between
truth and lies.
Teach
by example
Praise truthfulness and avoid using white lies yourself. You can explain
to older children that you have to be able to trust them, or you won't
know when to believe them.
Fantasy
worlds
Tall stories get noticed. Most people stretch the truth a little from
time to time. The fish that gets away is always the biggest. Is your pre-teen
making up stories for attention? Is it a case of wishful thinking and,
if so, why? He may be lying to keep you happy, or to cover up an embarrassment
or inadequacy.
Don't
try and catch him out in her lie, especially in company. Never shame or
embarrass him, just ignore the story or change the subject. If there's
no one else around, try gentle humour if he starts embroidering on the
truth: 'Wow, that's amazing. I suppose I should phone one of the Sunday
newspapers but I'd really rather hear about your football match.'
Make
it clear you love him whatever. Listen to him without him having to make
up attention-grabbing stories and show him you're interested in his real
life.
Caught
red-handed
What if it's an outright, barefaced lie? If you're sure he's guilty, don't
force confessions. Give him time to consider his reply - panic leads to
lies. Once he owns up, don't lecture or get angry. Separate the crime
from the lie. Tell him what he did was wrong but owning up to it was the
right thing to do.
Truth and consequence
Once you've dealt with the misdemeanor,
talk about the importance of telling the truth and owning up. Point out
the consequences of lying - someone else will be blamed and people won't
trust him in future.
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