Teens aren't renowned for their communication skills, so how do you get them to open up and talk when they need to? In this extract from our archives, parenting expert and child psychologist Dr Pat Spungin, CEO of Raisingkids.co.uk, suggests some strategies to help.

Raisingkids member's problem
I'm a volunteer mentor for a 13 yr-old boy. I cannot get him to talk or open up at all, and it's very frustrating. I've tried to engage him in a variety of ways, but he remains non-communicative and only gives one word answers. Do you have suggestions?

Dr Spungin's advice
You don't say how long you've acted as mentor to this boy but it can take a long time to get a very shy child to open up. It's difficult to answer your question without knowing you or the boy, but the following are some general tips.

Most of us feel uncomfortable with silence and tend to fill it by asking a question or carrying on talking. Where someone is reluctant to talk, you may have to wait longer for an answer than you feel comfortable with. Wait while he summons the courage to answer, look expectant. Look at him sympathetically, smile and nod - give him lots of 'listening cues'.

Use open questions when you ask something (questions beginning what? where? why? how? who? when?). These questions are difficult to answer with a simple 'yes' or 'no'. Try asking things like What's happening here? or Why does it do that? Follow a closed question (where he gives a one-word answer) with an open one, for example:

Closed question 'Do you like that game?'
Answer 'Yes'

Follow-up (open) question 'Which level do you like best?'
Or try something with a narrative element to it, like 'What happens once you've got past the guards?'

If he doesn't answer, try answering your own question briefly and getting him to agree, or getting him to finish the sentence - as you do with little children e.g. 'If you defeat the guards you go...'

Aim to increase his output little by little e.g. 'How do you get to the next level?'

Try here for something more than a one-word answer. Probe a little, with What else? and settle for three or four one-word answers. Put the words he gives together: So, you need to get into the castle without waking the dragon.

Feeding back his replies to him with positive endorsement may help. When he does talk, nod as he speaks - as if to say 'yes... go on...' Give him a little bit of acknowledgement.

In general, anything that gets him used to the sound of his own voice might help, like reading aloud. Develop a sense of the reciprocity of language by encouraging him to finish sentences that you start, read a bit from a simple play, etc. Good luck, and persevere! As he gets used to your gentle encouragement, he may slowly emerge from his shell.

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